I recently launched Women of Impact dinners, crafting intimate spaces for women who are dedicated to making a difference in the world so as to connect and celebrate each other. To deepen our conversations and move beyond the superficial, I decided to introduce question cards as an experiment.
A few weeks later, I found myself seated next to a former boss from Shell, now a senior executive and an inspiring young woman from Tanzania. She’s not only excelling in banking but also runs a side hustle focused on financial literacy in her community. As the evening progressed, she pulled the first question card and read, “How do you handle moments of self-doubt or insecurity?” A collective sigh followed — a shared recognition of the inner imposter that so many of us face.
In that moment, I reflected on my own journey. After decades of self-work and owning my voice publicly, I still experience the cognitive dissonance of feeling confident while fearing being exposed as an imposter. I know I’m highly skilled at what I do and consistently deliver great results, yet that nagging voice of doubt persists.
I know I’m not alone in this struggle. Imposter Syndrome is a recurring theme in my conversations with high-performing women, highlighting its pervasive nature and the barriers it creates to realising our true influence and impact.
Imposter Syndrome is a phenomenon whereby one believes that they are not deserving of their opportunities and achievements, along with the high esteem in which they are generally held by others.
They doubt that they are as competent or intelligent as others might think and that soon enough, they will be exposed for what they really are - an imposter. Those experiencing imposter syndrome often attribute their success to luck or external factors, rather than their own abilities.
What’s most fascinating is that it often affects the ones we look up to, those who are well accomplished, hold senior positions or have numerous academic degrees.
Whilst both women and men suffer from imposter syndrome a recent meta-analysis showed that it is more prevalent in women. Evidence suggests that this difference is driven by social stereotypes portraying women as less intelligent and capable than men. This leads women to attribute their success to external factors like luck or hard work, while men tend to view their success as a reflection of their inherent qualities.
Imposter Syndrome often surfaces when attention is called to one’s success, like when you get promoted, receive an award, or land a big opportunity.
I remember receiving the dream executive promotion when I worked at Shell right after returning from maternity leave. It took my nervous system three months to settle down. Every day I would go into the office feeling like someone would work out that they’d made a mistake, and I would be sent home. No surprises, it never happened and that role was one of my most successful and impactful.
Failure can also trigger your inner imposter, especially after a string of successes. When a setback occurs, it’s easy to start questioning your capabilities and attributing past successes to good fortune.
Because it leaves us with untapped potential on the table. If left unattended it can limit our growth by stopping us from actively progressing opportunities at work, in relationships or even into new learning endeavours.
What we resist persists, this is why our objective is to tame, not suppress. My inner imposter will present itself right before I go on stage to deliver a keynote talk that I really care about. I now know from years of studying psychology and trauma that she is not trying to sabotage me, she’s trying to keep me safe, and her version of safe means talking me out of doing the vulnerable thing. Essentially, it’s the autonomic nervous system kicking into flight mode and overriding my rationale brain. Awareness is the first step to any change, and provides the launchpad for three simple strategies you can experiment with to tame your inner imposter.
When self-doubt arises, have a mantra ready. For example, remind yourself that feeling vulnerable means you care about your work. Before giving a talk, I tell myself, “This is how my body prepares itself to do great work”.This reframing allows us to ground during moments of uncertainty and kick the rational brain back into action.
There are always two ways to look at every situation, and you get to choose which mindset you engage: positive or negative. Next time you feel like an imposter, grab a pen and paper and draw a line down the middle of the page. On the left write down all the reasons why you feel like an imposter, then on the right, write down how all the reasons you have noted on the left side of the page are actually examples of why you should be where you are.
I recently worked this through with an executive client who found herself in a community of high-achieving women.
She stated that she felt like an imposter because she was younger, from a different industry, had a different cultural background, didn’t have kids… We listed all of her imposter rationale and then I said to her… these are all the reasons why you are exactly where you are meant to be. You’re here because you bring a different perspective due to your age, your culture, your background…. The relief on her face when I said this was magical.
3. Practice Radical Self-Compassion
Employing Tara Brach’s RAIN technique can be transformative. Here’s how it works:
R: Recognise the feeling. For instance, “I feel like an imposter”.
A: Allow the feeling to exist. Acknowledge your inner imposter and invite her to sit with you.
I: Investigate with curiosity. Explore where in your body you feel this doubt and ask what it’s trying to tell you.
N: Nurture with self-compassion. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel this way; you’re not alone in your struggle. Ask yourself“what would self-compassion look like for me in this moment?”.It might be as simple as reminding yourself of all that you have achieved to actually arrive in the place that you are in.
We are capable of so much more than we realise and the only way to tame the inner imposter is to acknowledge her, understand her and then take the courageous action she’s trying to stop you from stepping into. In doing so we build our resilience and confidence to step into even bigger, scarier opportunities over time that unleash impact beyond what we could see for ourselves.
If you’re ready to seriously tame your inner imposter grab a copy of my No Excuses Cheat sheet here and start turning your inner imposter into impactful opportunity.
