When Lena Dunham’s new Netflix series Too Much dropped recently, I pressed pause on my nighttime psychology thesis writing, and devoured it like a doughnut after a week-long health retreat.
The lead character, Jessica, is a beautifully complex, internalised mix of too much and not enough. And yet, it’s exactly that combination that makes her relatable, loveable, and imperfectly perfect.
The title alone: “Too Much”, hit a raw nerve.
Because if you’ve ever had big, crazy ideas to make meaningful change, held strong opinions, or felt deeply, you’ve probably been told (explicitly or not) that you're too much.
Too loud. Too direct. Too emotional. Too ambitious.
And when that happens, most of us learn to shrink.
To soften the edges.
To dilute the parts that make us potent.
The irony is that being labelled too much often leaves us feeling not enough.
How is it that women can be both at the same time?
Too much leaves many of us shrinking our voices to be more palatable.
Second-guessing ourselves to avoid taking up space.
Dimming our unique light so others feel more comfortable.
And all that effort to find just the right balance of “enoughness”?
It’s exhausting.
It disconnects us from ourselves.
And it still doesn’t get us the recognition or opportunities we’ve worked so hard for.
We’re told to:
“Speak up more.”
“Show more confidence.”
“Put yourself out there.”
But at the same time, we’ve been conditioned to walk an almost impossible line:
This tightrope is one of the biggest barriers stopping women from being fully seen, heard, and valued for their impact.
This isn’t just a confidence issue. It’s behavioural conditioning.
Here’s what the science tells us:
You’re not imagining the backlash.
Research shows women are judged more harshly than men for the same behaviours, especially when we show ambition, assertiveness, or emotion. So, when you start shrinking, it’s not self-doubt. It’s self-protection.
Shrinking becomes a habit.
Repeatedly muting yourself to avoid conflict wires the brain to associate silence with safety. Over time, it disconnects you from your voice and your values.
It erodes motivation and confidence.
If you’ve been told your presence is “too much,” you start to question whether your voice matters. This chips away at self-efficacy the belief that your actions can lead to meaningful outcomes.
And it keeps you stuck in invisibility.
Visibility isn’t about being louder, it’s about being more aligned. But when we try to be palatable instead of real, we show up half-expressed. And that’s when the advocacy and recognition we deserve never come.
So, how do we start to shift a narrative that was never ours to begin with?
By making small, intentional moves that help us stop editing ourselves for approval.
Here are three simple, evidence-backed ways to begin:
Catch the Pattern
Reframe the Reaction
Take One Aligned Micro-Risk
Confidence doesn’t come from clarity; it comes from moving with intention even when your voice shakes.
Being “too much” isn’t the problem.
Shrinking to be palatable is.
And the more of us who stop playing that game, the more room we create for leadership that’s inclusive, honest, and impactful.
That’s exactly what we’re doing inside Penny in Your Pocket. It’s a 10-day micro-coaching sprint delivered via WhatsApp for ambitious women who are done with shrinking and ready to create traction their way. Daily nudges. Tiny actions. Real momentum. We kick off 20 August, 2025 and spots are limited. Register here.
